Lots of folks have asked me what I think about the election, specifically the Affordable Care debacle and my honest answer is "I don't know." I have no idea what the plan means and how it will play out in the real world for better or for worse. I haven't the time to read the legislation or even search for an unbiased review of it, so I've just tabled the issue. Kind of irresponsible of me, I know. Many of my patients, however, have been compelled to lay it all out for me. Both staunch republicans and bleeding heart democrats have "explained" so-called ObamaCare for me and my answer to them is always the same. "I wish it was that simple." Because while I don't know what ObamaCare means, I do know we desperately need change in our healthcare system and I don't know what the right plan looks like.
I haven't watched any of the debates or commercials or commentary shows so while the rest of America is so over the campaigns, I haven't the slightest idea what's going on. Hard to believe I was once SO into government and politics that I registered people to vote and sponsored petitions for candidates I believed in (i.e. John McCain). There are a few things I feel sure of. I'm ready to be done with the Middle East, I'm against the death penalty, I do not believe same-sex marriage is a legal issue and thus there should not be laws against it and finally, one of my most passionate beliefs is that something is fundamentally awry with a country that condones routine abortion of unborn babies.
I've been Pro-Life for a long time, but I've seen enough to know its a complicated issue. While I wish it was different, I know there are times when I couldn't look a woman in her eyes and tell her she would be "wrong" to have an abortion. Those situations, however, are few and far between. At least in my little microcosm. Mostly what I see is abortion being used as birth control or as a measure of desperation to atone for poor choices. Seeing a patient with multiple elective terminations in her past breaks my heart. For those babies. And mostly for her.
I am guilty of being a judge when I certainly have no business doing so. When I see a patient with multiple abortions in her past, I judge her as harsh and cold and unloving and selfish. I think about my friends who can't get pregnant, who would love to adopt and blame this young and wounded woman--I self righteously think, she didn't want the baby but didn't want anyone else to have the baby either. Then I remember the hurt and confusion she must have felt and is probably still wrestling with. And I try to be gracious and love on her. But the Lord knows I'm a work in progress, a very messy one.
I have an amazing memory from residency that makes me tear up just thinking about it. I think I was a 2nd year and one of my patients came in with the devastating (to her) news that she was pregnant. I had seen her with her 2 young boys and she was an incredible mom. Single and struggling and incredible. But this most recent pregnancy was the straw that broke her back and she was already having pain and nausea and just too tired to deal with life. So she had decided to deal with it the best way she knew how. She was planning to electively terminate her pregnancy. Patients would often come to our clinic for their ultrasound to make sure they were less than 12 weeks to know if they could still terminate. So that was why she was there. We talked a lot and I encouraged her, telling her I'd seen her with her boys and knew what a great job she was doing. I could tell she was already emotional about the whole thing...not believing she had made this decision but also having no clue how she could do life with another child. Then we looked at the baby. I spent a lot of time on the ultrasound--the baby was so active! We spent quite a while on little butterbean's heart beat, which was perfect and rhythmic and beautiful. I went over his crown-rump length with agonizing detail and she was really enjoying seeing the baby. After a full exam, I was able to treat the UTI that was causing some of her pain and I asked her to give it a week to see if the pain improved and we could talk about her plans then. Fast forward 9 months...she had a beautiful and healthy baby boy. Her third :)
I was that baby's doctor and she told me how in love with him she was and how thankful she was to have him. It was so good for my soul to have been a part of her life. And that baby was a precious gift!
That story is lovely and heartwarming and I wish they all ended like that. Sadly, life is hard. I think its ignorant to assume all abortion is wrong and even more so to think that anyone who would have an abortion is bad. Above all things, God is love. Love not only for unborn babies, but also for the wounded among us. Because aren't we all wounded somehow?
I'm so thankful to be the hands of Jesus to my patients. I let Him down more often than not but sometimes by His grace, I let Him shine through. What an amazing God we serve!
